Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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