Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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