You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
