i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
