I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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