I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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