I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize