Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
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