Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
