it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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