The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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