I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
