when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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