For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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