just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
