thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
