He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
