Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
