i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
