when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I love you. Go after that dick
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
