recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
