I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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