girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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