I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
