I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
