It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
