my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
