I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
