I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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