I faked an abortion last night.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
