I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
