Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
