My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
