you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
