I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
