I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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