I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
