I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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