I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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