I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
