So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
