Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
