they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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