ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
