Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
