Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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