that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
All I want is dick and wine.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
