Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
