from now on my penis is your penis
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
