Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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